Mrs Maligoldorium's Deadly Toyary
by ChuckCharles
Summary: A young woman from Ned's past asks for his and Emerson's help in solving the murders of her friends employees at a Toy shop. Her reappearence into Neds life brings joy in her own and other's lives and Ned reveals a theory which is proved to be right.
1. Chapter 1 Flashback

Pushing Daisies

The Lily Bud

Chapter 1

Flashback

In the Longborough School for Boys, Ned was 12 years, 29 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours and 42 minutes old and incredibly… miserable. As Ned sat on the hill overlooking the grounds of the boarding school from hell, he sighed and thought of the girl known only to him as Chuck. It had been two long years since his father had left the then, young Ned at the school, and two even longer years since he had played, 'distructorsaurous' with his beloved Chuck. Longing for some interaction with anyone other than the rich boys at his school and a distraction from his thoughts, Ned wishes for anyone or anything to take Chuck off his mind.

'Woof!' Digby barked, trying to catch the attention of his friend and master, forcing towards him a piece of paper, which held the answer to Ned's problem. After coming out of his trance, Ned took the yellow and white sheet in his hand and read the instructions aloud so that his loyal undead dead canine friend could hear.

'Shortborough School for Girls, Ages 3- 18, invites the boys of Longborough School for Boys to celebrate, 'The International Day of Friendship' by adopting a little or big sister of one of our girls. All MUST attend and be divided into a pair. We hope to start a friendship family for life. Crage Hall at Longborough School for Boys, North Thrush, 4 pm–5pm Wednesday.'

Ned felt a sudden flutter of excitement in his stomach; the prospect of new people filled him with anticipation but was this, a good thing? Was he now filled with a little bit of dread as well? Or was this guilt?

The day arrived; the school was over run with giggly, silly girls and their teacher escorts. Ned felt cautious; the girls had ganged into groups and were muttering and giggling as boys passed, eyeing up their possible little or big brothers.

When the ceremony began Ned felt sick, the incessant giggles and shrieks of the girls as they finally chose their respective other, drove Ned insane and to the furthest reaches of the gibumpous hall, it was here under the cover of a grand piano he would wait the whole ordeal out.

As the last of the new found brothers and sisters and the teachers left the hall to get to know one another better over warm milk and cookies; Ned down hearted, irritated and hungry for his mother's pie, withdrew from his hiding spot expecting to find only himself in the newly deserted hall, but he was not alone. From a similar hideaway in the neighboring corner of the hall came a small girl, with tumbling chestnut curls.

Ned couldn't believe his eyes, in front of him stood a small girl who was staring back, with big green eyes, which looked familiar. She smiled a gummy smile and waved. Rubbing his eyes and feeling his forehead to check a fever hadn't come over him, Ned's suspected hallucination was no such thing. The girl in front of him looked practically identical to his dear Chuck at that age.

Ned waved back and smirked, 'My names Ned. What's yours?'

'Lily, Lily Charlie C…'

'Lily, Lily Bud… Bud…'

'Bud…' she looked up and swiveled on her heal making her dress, spin. 'Ned!' The young girl with the huge green eyes, chestnut curls whose name was now and forever to be known lovingly as Bud, ran to him and hugged him. 'A hug can turn your day around.' She smiled at him, as she played with her little yellow, flower print dress.

Over time the two got closer as brother and sister should, learning things about one another; Ned had learnt that Little Lily otherwise known as Bud was four years old, was remarkably like Chuck in more than just looks, was too intelligent for her age, had a good eye for flavours, shared his enthusiasm for baking and like him had no functioning parents. Ned's meetings and letters to and from Bud filled him with hope, he had never felt this close to anyone, or anything other than Digby since his mother had died and his father took him away from his friend and left him in that God forsaken school. This small girl had opened Ned's eyes again to the world and hope, she had taught him to let down his guard, to aspire and follow his dreams and to love.

*

Reality

As Ned sat at the hard, stainless steel counter in his 'Pie Hole' kitchen, touching dead fruit to alive again he remembered, when it came time for him to leave the school that had brought them together, their face to face meetings became less frequent till they only became once a year at the most, but the letters continued for a while. Ned held onto Bud as a beacon of reassurance and friendship into his adult life and into his journey to becoming the 'Pie Maker'. The letters became fewer and fewer as the years rolled on, she graduated Shortborough School for Girls three years early at 13, which was no surprise to Ned; after leaving the school she worked with charities out of the orphanages she was raised in but a stable address was unlikely to keep hold of, only a few letters were sent and received both ends. Ned often wondered how he had left the only other girl, who he had loved and treasured as both family and friend drift out of his life. He also for the first time since he had un-deaded Chuck, how and what she had grown into, was she any different now as a young woman?

He wouldn't have to wait long, for his answer was soon to be answered, a red cloaked figure was approaching would bring news, as closing time loomed.


	2. Chapter 2 A Lily Bud

Chapter two

A Lily Bud

'Bye everyone; y'all have a safe journey home!' Olive said her warm southern drawl making her sound even more amicable, than she was already being. Her smile soon changing, on the realisation that she no longer worked at the Pie Hole, it was replaced with a look of confusion, she turned on her heel to face Chuck before saying, 'Why do I still do that?' She threw her arms up in the air, 'I don't even work here anymore'.

'It's the pie smell; it intoxicates your blood with endorphins and makes you all chipper and smiley inside'. Chuck said as she cleared plates from the counter to the pigeon hole in the kitchen.

As the contented customers vacated their booths, took up their coats and left the Pie Hole into the warm northerly breeze, the same breeze was blowing an old friend ever nearer.

'What are those two up to?' Olive asked as she dragged a stool over too the furthest doors of the pie hole.

'Emerson wanted a cigar.'

'Really he should give them up, along with three slices of pie a week…' Olive said under her breathe as she climbed onto the stool to bolt the door shut.

'Olive!' Chuck looked shocked at Olive's bluntness.

'What? I'm just saying there's a reason you call him Pooh bear?'

'I meant it affectionately.'

'So do I,' Olive smiled a wide grin as she jumped off the stool and began to drag it to the next door.

In the time it took for the two Pie Holer's to conduct a brief conversation, a third person had gone unnoticed slipping into one of the booths. Cloaked in red, the figure sat there silent and still, waiting to be noticed, and noticed she was.

'Uh excuse me; we're closing for the night.' Chuck told them in her usual sweet manner, but still the person did not move. 'Olive!' Chuck shout whispered, pointing to the booth Olive looked, shrugging. 'Go…'

'Why me?' Olive mouthed with no sound leaving her lips; Chuck motioned for her to go over, 'Fine!' Olive approached the cloaked figure with an air of caution, for all she knew the person could be off their head or a terrorist. She stopped at the thought. 'Nah!' She batted a hand in the air and walked assertively over to the noncompliant customer, her little heels click, click, clicking on the marble Pie Hole floor.

'Hey! Uh… the Pie Hole is closed to customers tonight, if you come back in the morning we'll serve you up a hot plate of anything you want.' Olive turned to Chuck with thumbs up, thinking the situation was solved and the person would be on their way but…

'I'm not a customer.' The cloaked figure stated in a feminine voice.

'Uh…'

Chuck walked round to the front of the counter, looking on at the situation with curiosity.

'What now?' Olive mouthed silently at Chuck, but Chuck only shrugged, she was stumped.

'Then what do you want?' A confused Olive asked.

The hood dropped, for a spilt second Olive stood there stunned by excitement and then…'AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

She screamed.

*

Alerted by Olive's scream, Ned and Emerson returned to the front of house; too find a confused Chuck standing head tilted to one side, and Olive and the previously, cloaked girl jump hugging.

'What's short stuff screeching for?' Emerson asked, although he didn't really care.

'I'm not completely sure' Chuck looked over her shoulder at Ned, and then shrugged.

Pulling back from her embrace, Olive drew in a well need breathe but continued to bounce on the spot.

'Look at you, ah ha ha, you're grown up, and gorgeous, I hate you for that,' she said slapping the girl on the arm, before hugging her tightly again. 'What are you doing here?' She pulled back again still holding onto the girls arms.

The girl was tall compared to Olive, but petite all the same, her long chestnut curls were the only part of her appearance that could be seen by anyone other than Olive.

'Long chestnut curls.' Ned said to himself mentally. The curls rang a bell in Ned's memory; he looked to his left, chestnut curls fell from his sweethearts head but ….

'Bud?' He asked curiosity and excitement bubbling under the surface.

Turning to face the others, Ned's realisation was correct. In front of him stood a big green eyed, chestnut curled, grown up Bud.

'Hhhuuuu…' Emerson and Ned took in a deep breathe of astonishment; Bud was almost identical to Chuck.

'What? Oooo…' Emerson said before grabbing Ned and spinning on his heel so they had their backs to the others. 'That girl looks like dead girl…'

'I know, I mean I always thought there was a resemblance but wow, I mean…'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah, who is she?'

'That's Bud.'

'Oh, you say that like I pay attention to everything you say in life. Join the dots…'

'Bud, young girl only came around a couple of times a year, my school adopted little sister.'

'And?'

'Was only the other person to know about my uh, gift other than you before dead girl, I mean Chuck.' Ned's talking speed quickened.

'And?' Emerson motioned with his hands for more information.

'The young girl, with the high IQ,' Emerson motioned again, Ned sighed, 'The girl who taught you to Stockinette stitch'.

'Oh, her yeah she was a cool kid, wait' he and Ned looked over their shoulder at Bud who was now talking to Chuck and Olive, 'No…Damn she grew up good.'

'Do you mind that's my little sister? Friend. Person.'

'In make believe land. I'm just saying… damn. Hey, she really looks like dead girl '

'Yes she does, doesn't she?' Both men glanced again, 'Is it just me or do you feel a little weirded out?' Ned scratched his head.

'There's two of them, it was weird enough with one', turning back to the others they approached being greeted by smiles. Emerson held out a hand to Bud, who received it. 'I don't know whether you remember me, I'm…'

'Emerson 'Bulow' J Cod, of course I remember you,' she moved in and gave him a hug, to which Emerson was shocked.

'Uhhh'

'Bud?' Ned called for her attention.

'Ned!' she said in return, a big full toothed smile plastered from cheekbone to cheekbone, dimples dipped and eyes sparkling. Ned opened his arms wide, smiling his usual smirk smile. As she glided towards him, the girl known as Bud looked evermore like his beloved; Ned wondered how two unrelated women could be so physically and personally alike. He closed his eyes in preparation for the hug they always gave one another, but it didn't come.

His eyes opened, Bud was standing in front of him, concern covering her face.

_

'Why aren't they hugging?' Chuck inquired.

'Oh, Bud is allergic to Ned's fabric softener, I never have figured out why he's never changed it.' Olive realised 'Hey, I guess she's kind of like you there, huh?'

'Mmm… I guess so?'

_

Ned stood there wondering why his sister, friend, person was not embracing him but standing there trying to tell him something with only those big green eyes.

You see the story is…

When Lily… Bud, was 9 years, 125 days, 14 hours and twenty five minutes old, whilst showing Ned her hidden cookbooks in the Shortbourogh School for Girl library, she was possibly killed by a fallen bookcase.

Teachers ran to the scene with paramedics in tow. After many attempts of resuscitation, by compressions, mouth too mouth and sshhhockking… Ned grew agitated and upset, he couldn't lose another person her loved, and so in a moment of desperation he reached out a finger and touched but at the same time as she was shocked by the doctor. She breathed.

Whilst in hospital, Ned in turn had to teach Bud, not to touch him in anyway, at the possibility she might … Die. So, for the years after the unfortunate incident, Ned and Bud spent their time together making pies and other confectionary goods, not to mention… ways to touch. There was the oven glove hand shake, duvet cuddles, air high fives so on and so forth.

Back in reality, Olive asked.

'So why are you here? Not that its not good to see you but really,' she grabbed Buds arm and turn her away from the others and under her breathe asked, 'Are you in trouble? Money? Is it drugs?' She stepped away.

'No Oli…'

'It is isn't it, don't worry we'll have you off them no time…'

'Olive! I'm not on drugs…' She turned to the others, 'I'm not on drugs.'

'You aren't oh that's so fabulous, I always knew you were a smart girl' Olive hugged her once again.

'Ok, ok enough of the hugging already!' Emerson rolled his eyes prying Olive off of Bud with a hand. 'What are you here for?'

Ned who was finally out of his more frequently occurring flashbacks, asked the same question. 'What are you doing here?'

The girl looked down at her shoes and then back up her eyes filled with tears, 'I may not be on drugs but I do need your help.'


	3. Chapter 3 The Dealio

Chapter 3

The Dealio

'Thanks' Bud said Chuck handing her a cup of tea as she slide in beside her in the booth.

'Your welcome'

They smiled.

'I'm soooo… sorry. I didn't mean to cry, it's just Mrs Maligoldorium's such a nice old lady and she's trying to find a successor to her toy shop but…'

Emerson cleared his throat making Bud pause mid-sentence, 'Uh, we have something more important to talk about first. Like your form of payment?'

'Emerson, Bud's family.' Ned stated avoiding eye contact with anyone at the table.

'No, it's ok.' Looking Emerson in the eye she leaned forward and said, 'What's your price Cod?'

'Two.'

'Two Dollars?' Olive asked shocked

'Two thousand genius…' Emerson replied

'One, two, fifty?' A calm and confident Bud said.

'You kidding me? One, Seven, Fifty…'

'One, Two, Seventy- five…'

'One, Seven, Twenty five…'

'Pfft, one, three, fifteen…'

Emerson turned to Ned, 'Would you get this girl?' Looking Bud in the eyes, 'One, five hundred… That's my final offer.

Bud asked Chuck could she get up, sliding out of the booth. 'Ok, I'll give you one, five hundred if you beat me at rock, paper, scissors'.

'And if you win?'

'One.'

'No way yo….' He was cut off.

'What you afraid you're gonna be beat down by a girl?' She held out her hand, 'Shake-a-doodle do, Cod?'

The hair on Emerson's back stood on end at the thought of loosing one grand in a stupid game of rock, paper, scissors and … to a GIRL!

'Fine…' Although he hated the thought of being to cowardly to even put it on the line plus he was silently confident in his gaming ability. Grabbing Bud's hand he pulled her in and said face to face, 'You're going down smart ass.' She pulled back and 'AAAAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAA!' she cackled.

Olive jumped onto the booth seat and said in a calm and assertive voice, 'Competitors please take your positions', Emerson stood behind the pie holes counter facing Bud, Olive who was now sitting on the bar 'Now lets have a clean and fair competition, first person to...'

'Yeah, yeah sparky we know the score…'

'Let her finish,' Emerson rolled his eyes Bud cleared her throat, 'Olive.'

'Thank you, as I was saying first person to get three wins, is the overall winner and gets their way. Competitors ready?'

*

'I wonder whose going to win?' Chuck said curiosity bubbling.

Ned answered her as kick as she asked, 'Bud'.

*

'Winner ready' Bud said with a smile.

'Lets get this over with already', Emerson clichéd his fist in anticipation.

'Fists ready?'

'Ready!' the competitors said in unison.

Emerson and Bud watched each other's hands closely as they shook them, 'One, two, three…'

Emerson held out his two fingers confidently looking Bud smugly in the face but she was smiling, on noticing the smile he looked down, Buds hand was still formed in the clenched fist, Rock.

'Damn it…' He exclaimed out loud.

'Round two!' Olive whistled on a whistle which appeared in her possession in the time it took the two to shake they fists three times.

Emerson swallowed a deep gulp of saliva in preparation, in the first round he noticed that Buds non competing hand also made shapes. The hand had made the shape of a fist like its counterpart. 'Hmmmm…'

Watching the other hand closely Emerson clenched his fist, 'One, two, three…', the hand was still clenched tight, he smiled again feeling contented with his choice of paper, surely that would beat her stupid…'Scissors!!!' He yelped but quickly regained his composure trying not to give away anything else.

'EEEEEEEEEE..Two all, to Lily, I mean Bud!' Olive screeched excitement over coming her, 'Uh, sorry… Round three?'

Sweat began to run down Emerson's back, the thought of only getting a third of the normal price made him nauseous. Wiping his brow with his jacket sleeve, he clenched his fist for the final time, praying to the God of money to bless this round with all his power. 'One, two, three…'

After looking at his hand which was still formed in its original state, rock, he reluctantly looked at Bud's… The fear was realized… PAPER!

'She won!' Chuck yelled with excitement, Olive jumping up and down again out of the same emotion.

'Best of five…' Emerson asked breathlessly, as if he'd been winded by his shock.

No one was listening all three girls were bounding up and down on the stop, talking in tongues not legible to anyone other than themselves. Sitting down upon a stool Emerson took in a breathe or five, Ned who whilst the final round was being played had ventured into the kitchen to get the pie of the oven, which would soon be the consolation prize to Emerson's down fall.

Sliding a large slice of the rhubarb goodness in front of him, he asked, 'Ice cream or cream?'

To which Emerson replied, 'Both… it's been a hard twenty minutes.'


	4. Chapter 4 The 411

Chapter 4

The 411

Mrs Maligoldorium was seventy-eight years, one day and twenty-five minutes old when she decided to retire and hand over the keys to her most magical and critically acclaimed toy store. The short, grey haired, plump little darling of an old woman, having worked all her life planning and securing the title of, 'Best Toy Stores Ever', and after putting all her love of all things, toy formed, she wanted to make sure that the successor to her empire was equally as dedicated.

A place of imagination and childhood fantasy, Mrs. M picked out five possibles from her brigade of employees to be watched and examined closely as the next Maligoldorium, but of course with the sweet, cuddly goodness comes the murder…

*

'Mrs. Maligoldorium's first choice was one, Molly Dolly', Bud told the others.

*

Molly Dolly (so nicknamed by Mrs. M for her Barbie Doll-esc qualities), had been working at the toyary since she was seventeen, having joined the Coeur d'Couer branch on a work placement with her school.

The leggy, blue eyed, blonde had taken a while to warm fully to the full immenseness and popularity of the store but had succumb to store and its toys charms when she saw the look of bliss on the faces of her first two customers, four year old twins. It was this bewildered look as they chose their Girfabra (that's half giraffe, half zebra) toy that filled her with a warm fuzzy sensation and in turn the love of all things, TOY…

Having been tutored in all things toyary related by the original mastermind, her life became absorbed in helping create new toys, and recreating the look that had sparked her interest on all children's faces that would venture into the magical store. But… little did Miss Holly Dolly know, that on one rainy night while working on a new walking, talking, eating, pooping super baby doll that an unusual chime from the shops giant cymbal clapping wind up monkey would lead to…

*

'How did she die?' Chuck asked.

'She slipped on a banana peel and fell into the giant cymbal clapping monkey's arms and was crushed to death by its giant clapping cymbals…'

'So how do you actually know that it was a murder not just an accident?' Ned asked questioning Bud's obvious conspiracy theory.

'Parce-que mon cher, je sais…' Bud replied her French lost on Ned.

'Huh?'

'She said, because my dear, I know.' Chuck translated and Bud nodded in confirmation and approval.

'Plus. If there wasn't a killer then who wound up the monkey, the monkey is wound in the morning and runs out the minute the store closes. Oh… and who but the banana peel on the floor?' Bud sighed, 'That was a rhetorical question by the way… It's just so sad. All Mrs. Maligoldorium wants is to retire in the know that she has a successor that cares as much about the children and the tous as she does.'

Olive slid in the booth next to Ned leaving Emerson at the Pie Hole bar still eating pie in an attempt to fill the rather large two grand sized hole he was now experiencing.

'How do you know her?' Olive asked

'Oh, she used to bring toys to the orphanage and since then we've had a working friendship. She'd give toys to the orphanage, I'd make her dresses, supply her with cake and jam…' She laughed to herself, 'We hit it off right away, apparently it was because my 'Aura was pulsing with creativity'. Not to mention I have my store a block away from hers.' Bud said taking a sip of coffee.

'Orphange..?' Chuck said

'You have a store now?' Ned asked surprised.

'Oh, yeah… did I say store? I meant stores, I have my deli slash patisserie which is called in homage to this place the Cake Hole and my Vintage Darling Vintage.'

'Vintage Darling Vintage? That's such a cute name for a store. What do you sell?' Chuck was curious.

'Antique furniture, vintage clothes, jewellery, books all things old glam…'

Chuck looked at Ned, and from that look Ned saw that Chuck already loved Bud…

'Hey… you should come over, I have a dress that would sooooo suit you…'

'Really? That would be great… I love clothes…' Chuck smiled which was reciprocated by Bud.

'I love clothes too, have you been to Hepburn's?'

'YES! I love that store…' Chuck said in a happy squeaky voice.

'Me too..!' Bud replied in the same tone. The two became enthralled in a conversation about gloves and red shoes.

Ned looked on at the two women he admired the most in his life. After being together for only short while the two had already become even more like one another than Ned could have ever imagined. This freaked him out a little… 'I think I'll go check on Emerson…' Only Olive paid attention and went with him…

'They seem to be getting on well…' Olive said with a smile, too which Ned merely nodded.

*

'How's it going Emerson hunny?' Olive asked stroking his back.

'I feel as though I've had my stomach pulled out…'

'That good huh?' Olive patted him on the back before venturing into the kitchen.

Ned who was still watching Chuck and Bud chatting away back at the booth…

'How did she beat me? A girl, how…?'

'She's just good I guess…' Ned replied not paying attention.

'What did you say?!' Emerson pulled Ned down to his level.

'I said she's just lucky I guess…'

'No, no you didn't… You, you said that she was good,' stumbling to his feet, 'do you not think that I know what I'm doing?'

'Not right now no…'

'What!!!??'

Olive who had ran back in from the kitchen intervened, 'Hey, Hey! What's going on? What flew up you?'

'He didn't think I would win…' Emerson said slurring.

'Why are you slurring?' Olive was confused.

'I'm drink, I mean drunk…'

'On what?' she leaned over the bar to Ned, feet dangling above the floor, 'You been putting booze in the Pies again?' she slapped Ned on the arm.

'Ouch…No…'

'You girl!' She replied, 'Emerson honey, your on what I call a sugar low, sooo…' holding Emerson up, she and Ned began to lead him towards a long couch at the side of the bar, 'you're gonna lie down right over here, and sleep it off…'

'Ok mama.'

'I'm not you're mama,' She launched him forward making him land on the floor rather than the couch, 'opppsss oh well he deserves that for calling me his mama'. She shivered walking back to the group.

Chuck and Bud were now standing by the bar, their conversation had now gone back to Mrs. Maligoldorium. 'How do you know her anyway?'

'Oh, she used to give toys to the orphanage on holidays. We clicked, she said my 'creative aura was pulsing',' she laughed, 'we stayed in contact since then, she continued to give the orphanage toys in turn I made her food and clothes, not to mention my store is around the block from hers so, we see each other regularly. She's the grandma I never had…' She smiled.

'Orphanage...?' Chuck asked

Bud nodded but was interrupted before she could answer verbally by Ned asking, 'You have a store now?' He said surprised.

'Did I say store? I meant stores, I have two… My patisserie slash deli which is called I might add in homage to this the 'Bake Hole' and my 'Vintage Darling Vintage'.

'Awww our little girls all grown up', Olive linked her arm with Ned's, 'but then again you're a genius so its no real surprise'.

'Well I learnt from the best…' She smile at them and reached out to hold Olive's hand. 'So where are you living? In a mansion, with all your riches..?'

'Hardly… Uh no I have a place but the police are using it as a safe house for Mrs. M so, I'm staying in the Huckleberry Lodge, it's nice…'

'I've always wanted to stay there…' Chuck commented.

'Oh, you'd love it, for poster beds, long drapes, it's very romantic… but it does start to get a bit nauseating after a couple of weeks…'

Olive paused for a minute then said loudly enough to wake Emerson, 'You should stay with me!'

'What?'

'Yeah, oh do, I mean how cool would that be…right Ned?' Chuck added.

'Yeah that would be cool…' Ned said unconvincingly.

'No I can't Olive that's too kind…'

'What do you mean, I'd love to have someone to talk to when I can't sleep apart from Pigby, and let me tell you she's a pig so she doesn't have all that much to say…' Olive laugh, 'Oh come on it will be like good old times, staying up all night eating cookie dough and singing along Grease…Please?' She batted her eyelashes.

'Ok ok stop batting your eyelashes at me… I'll stay…' Olive squealed and hugged her hand.

'I guess we're neighbours huh?' she said to Chuck, 'Oh my, Olive! Chuck could come right…'

'Sure more the merrier…' Emerson snort loudly as though in approval, 'Even Emerson agrees… haha… cool when are we going to get your stuff…'

Bud who had caught onto Ned's lack of excitement, was confused, what was wrong with him? What had she done to warrant his mood swing?

'Uh…soon, tomorrow maybe… anyway I better get going, I've got to pop into the Deli on the way back…' She said a little defeated.

'I'll come with you… better be getting back to Randy Mann, make sure he's counted that money right… he has no head for numbers, let me go grab my coat.' She ran of into the kitchen.

Bud walked back to the booth; grabbing her red cape she spun it round her shoulders like a matador. As she fastened the buttons, it took its once elegant shape on her slim frame again. Turning round she put up her hood, 'It was nice to meet you Chuck, I can understand why Ned raves over you.' She smiled, winking at Ned when Chuck had turned to him.

'You're going to be around though, right?' Chuck asked. 'I mean we'll be living next door to one another, it'll be great to have someone to talk about clothes with…'

'Yeah, I mean yes. It was amazing to talk to someone who actually knows about my trade… It's rare,' Bud wondered forward, the girls arms opened at the same time as though they automatically knew that the hug was coming, they embraced. 'I can tell we're going to be friends…'

'Me too' they released. Chuck looked at her, 'it's weird it's like I know…'

'Me too', Bud replied before she could finished her sentence, smiles mirrored in one another's faces.

Ned uneasy with the conversion, for some unknown reason to him, said aloud, 'How long does it take for Olive to get her coat?' The girls stood there looking at him with confusion, he sighed, 'it was good to see you Bud.'

'You to Needy, I mean Neddy,' She smiled the smile he remembered, he couldn't help but smile back, 'can I have my hug now..?'

He paused, was it safe? Noticing her cloak figure he opened his arms, walking forward she planted her head side on, on his apron, he rapped his arms around her cape.

'Ok I'm back' Olive announced from behind, making the pair break their embrace.

'See you soon?' Bud asked Ned, to which he nodded. 'Ok, bye.'

'Bye y'all have a good night… Let's go honey, you can tell me the latest as we walk…' Olive linked arms with Bud as they walked to the door.

'Bye Chuck…'

'Bye Bud…'

'Bye Emerson, sorry about the cash…' Bud said to which Emerson snrunted…


	5. Chapter 5 Bedtime Stories

Chapter 5

Bedtime Stories 

It was two hours, thirty-seven minutes and fifteen seconds since Lily Bud and Olive had left the Pie Hole, it's boss, his girlfriend and a comatose Emerson.

Upstairs in their apartment, Chuck and Ned were dancing their little dance of non-dying living and going about their night time routine. Chuck had noticed since Bud and Olive's departure Ned had become even quieter than is normal broody quietness… but then again he hardly talked while she was there. Why was that?

She thought they were close.

As she brushed her teeth Chuck argued with herself whether to ask Ned about his mood swing, about Bud and their relationship or more importantly, why could they touch?

Spit…

Hanging her toothbrush back on the toothbrush stand, she said to herself, 'just ask…' Making her way back into the bedroom she removed her robe revealing a silky emerald night dress, jumping onto her half of the seperated double bed, she sat on her heels looking at her beloved, who was unflinched by her abrupt jump...

Ned who initially didn't notice Chuck's stare of admiration and concern, he was way to consumed in his own choatic thought process. Had she returned simply for the reasons she spoke of? Or was there something else? Would this effect his relationship with Chuck? Would he have to tell her the story of Lily Bud and Lily Bud the story of Chuck?

The answer was inevitably ... YES!

Chuck who was still sitting on her heels clicked Ned out of his night dream, 'Ned...?!'

Click! Click!

'Hmmm...!' Ned grunted

'Welcome back... What's up with you today?' Chuck asked.

'Nothing... I'm fine, just fine. If i were to be any finer I would be...finerer...' He noticed his babbling.

'You're such a bad liar... You've been acting all funny since Bud left with Olive. Come to think about it, you were acting funny from the time Bud arrived.'

'No, no I wasn't...'

'Yes. Yes you were you became all rigid and...' she made a stiff motion with her body to demonstrate her point, 'I thought you would have been excited to see her after what Olive told me.'

'Why what did Olive tell you?' Ned asked anxiously.

'Nothing much, but that you guys, well guy and girl were close and great friends... oh and that she's allergic to your laundry deturgant.'

'Good...' Ned sighed out of relief not knowing that his actions would give Chuck a reason to say...

'Is there something that Olive didn't tell me that I should know?'

Ned shook his head in a NO! Motion.

'What aren't you telling me?'

'Nothing...'

'Ned?!'

'Nothing...'

'Ned!'

He sighed again, 'Ok, there is something but I can't tell you.'

'Why not?'

'I just can't...'

'Ned!' She half yelled.

'Stop saying my name like that!' He yelled, Chuck was shocked, 'Please..?'

Chuck lent forward and stuck her hand in the plastic glove situated in the plastic bed cuddling machine, taking hold of his hand she told him, 'Nothing you say can weird me out, because I am the living weird factor. I love you, Ned, no one or nothing will ever, ever change that.' She said batting her eye lashes at the same time.

Ned still comtemplated lying. He knew that something big was going to happen, his acid reflux playing up, Bad Sign! But he realised that Chuck heard the tale of his and Buds relationship from him.

'It's kind of a long story...'

'It can be my bed time story...'

'It could be...' Ned looked at Chuck, her eyes radiating the need to learn, 'You better get comfortable.'

Chuck smiled, clapping her hands together like an over excited child as she clambered under the sheets and propped herself up on pillows before saying, 'I love bedtime stories...' she clapped her hands again.

Ned sighed, maybe opening up was going to be good.

'What I know of Bud is mainly from the time I've known her and experiencing her first hand, Bud who is otherwise known as Lily, and I met at school, admittedly she is significantly younger than myself. We were paired up in an 'Adopt a big or little brother or sister day' at our counterpart schools, Longsbourough School for Boys and Shortsbourough School for Girls... Of course being discontented with being taken from my home and away from you,' Chuck smiled, 'I hide away behind the piano in the great hall until everyone had diappeared... well since I thought.'

'Bud?'

'Yes. From the opposite corner of the room the then five year old Bud was hiding not wanting to be part of the whole charade either. On seeing her I was amazed she looked like an exact clone of you at that age. Same hair, same nose, same eyes, same dimples...It was mistifying. If truth be told I felt a little guilty. I still do...'

'Why?'

'Because I was trying to fill your void... and she fitted perfectly... I wanted her to serve as both my distraction from you and my reminder of you. That wasn't fair on her...'

Ned took a long breathe...

'...We became close not like me and you close but best friends, brother, sister... As time went on we clicked, she, like me had been abandoned but by her mother, left at a nunnery in which she was born and was shipped off to the all girls equivalent of hell...Although she graduated three years early, the school couldn't keep up with her.' He rolled his eyes, 'But it was while we were there and having meetings in her school that a accident happened.'

'Accident...'Chuck said from behind the pillow she had cuddled up to her chin.

'One day I was depressed she took me too the library wanting to cheer me up with her hidden cook books and comics, when a falling bookcase fell on her...'

'ouch'

'She was winded and in a wat, like you... sufficated to death by the pressure on her lungs. Teacher's were alerted by the bang and removed the bookcase. She had not breathed for three minutes by the time the paramedics arrived. Her lips were a bluey, pinky, purpley colour.'

'She was dead..?' Chuck asked truely concerned ad she began to feel part of the story.

'Maybe, probably... The paramedics did CPR, by this time her heart had stopped. So they had to shock her with that.' He made a movement that looked like a motion of someone who had been electricuted.

'Difibrilator?'

'That's it! Well as you imagine I was...'

'A nervous, bumbling, over emotional bag of nuts and bolts!'

'I was going to say worried and upset but... sure, whatever. All I was thinking was i couldn't lose another person, I loved...that I cared about. In a way, I couldn't lose you again...' Chuck smiled, 'So on the last time they were going to shock her, when the doctor said, 'CLEAR!!', I pretended to slip and as they shocked her, I poked her...'

Chuck's eyes widened.

'That's why you can't touch because she's like me, the living undead living..!'

'Maybe. We're not completely sure... but yes that's why she hesitated when we were meant to hug because well she could die if we touch...'

Chuck sat cuddling her pillow silently... 'That's why I was quiet... I was frightened to tell you that you're not the only one, that I've touched possibly... back to life that I didn't touch dead again...'

'You thought I'd be mad?' Chuck asked.

Ned shrugged.

'Ned, you let a young girl have a life that she wouldn't have had because of some freak accident... it shows me that your heart is big and good, just how I like them. She meant a great deal to you and I have to thank her for keeping you sane in my absense.' She smiled the smile he had seen doubles of today, 'least I don't have to worry about you running off with her...' She smilaughed.

'I would never run off or away from you not after I've just got you back...' he smiled.

They both laid down up against the plastic bed hugging contrapion, spooning. Ned put his hand in the glove hole and laid it over Chuck.

'Thank you for sharing and trusting me with that story.' Chuck said snuggling in.

'Thank you for listening and understanding...' he hugged her tightly.

'I knew it couldn't be fabric conditioner you use hypo-allergenic.'

'I had to tell Olive something...' taking his arm from the plastic glove momentarily to reach backwards to knock off the lamp on his nightstand, plunging the room into moonlit darkness. He reinserted his arm back into the glove and repositioned his arm around Chuck's waist.

Chuck yawned, 'I'm glad you, undeaded her...Bud, I don't know what it is but I feel that we share something, i really like her.'

'Hmmm... She has that effect on people, just like you. That's something you share.'

'Mmmhmmm....' Chuck gracefully grunted in her pre-sleep state.

'Chuck?'

'Mmmhmmm...'

'Thank you for being mine...'

'Je t'aime, mon cher, bon nuit...'

'Good night.'


	6. Chapter 6 Mirror Image

Chapter 6

Mirror Image

'Morning has broken, wakey wakey...' Olive sang as she went to knock on Ned and Chuck's door, but it was half way opened by Ned, so infact she was really knocking on Ned. 'Oh! Sorry honey! My brains not with me this morning...'

'Olive it's 6:30 am. Why are you knocking on my door at 6:30 am? ' Ned asked whilst yawning.

'It's six thirty already? Oh well you should be up and starting your day, preping you fruit and pie and stuff...' Poking him in the chest and smiling broadly.

'How much coffee have you had?'

'Oh no, no, not that much about ten cups but I needed them, we haven't slept, you know the excitement and the moving... Strange though she only had one or two cups...' She squealed, 'but it's all so exciting...!' She bounced and twitched.

Chuck appeared on the staircase behind Olive fully dressed in and black and white checked shirt and red skirt and black balletic pumps, 'Hey sleepy head!'

'It's six thirty in the morning...' Ned replied, then realisation hit, 'Weren't you in bed?'

'No, I've been up for two hours already, I heard Olive and Bud moving Bud's stuff in, but I didn't want to leave you alone so... I made you a pillow me to cuddle.'

'Awww that's sooooooooo sweet! Isn't she sweet...' Olive said, her eye twitching. Noticing the funny looks she was getting Olive decided it was time...'I'm a going to...uhh...' she pointed towards her appartment, 'I'm going to uh, get some...'

'Water?' Ned suggested.

Olive disappeared into her appartment leaving Chuck and Ned alone on the landing.

'Get dressed, Bud and I having been making breakfast. Pancakes, Bacon, pie... the works!' Chuck smiled as she bounced and flounced down the stairs to the Pie Hole.

Downstairs the girls called Chuck and Bud, or Bud and Chuck if you're into alphabetical order, were chopping, flipping, buttering and pouring and tending to their early morning baked treats.

'How's Ned this morning?' Bud asked

'He's good.'

They smiled

'He told you didn't he..?'

'Told me what?' Chuck wondered if she was referring to what Ned had told her last night or something entirely different.

'Bookcase?' Bud replied throwing apples into a pie dish.

'Bookcase. What bookcase?' Chuck was lying and Bud knew this.

'The bookcase...'

Chuck shook her head implying she didn't know a thing, Bud tilted her head backward in contemplation. They stood looking at one another for a few moments before Chuck nodded her head this time, this time in a up, down, up, down movement meaning ... Yes.

'Ok, then yes... But you can trust me...'

'Ok'

'Is it really ok by you?' Chuck said opening the refrigerator door.

'Sure it is... I'm glad he has someone he can trust with a secret like that...plus you know what it's like.'

Chuck looked deep into the refrigerator; did she really just hear what she thought she heard? 'What? How would I know what it was like?'

'Oh, you don't need to worry Olive told me everything, that's a caffeine high for you. Your secret's safe with me.' Chuck let out a deep breath of relief. Closing the fridge door and moved back to the table with her retrieved items. 'But I know that Olive's version isn't the full one.'

Chuck looked up, 'What?'

'Takes one to know one right? You're like me?'

'I am.' Chuck realised her tone of confirmation and altered it to a tone of questioning. 'I am?'

Bud looked at Chuck, 'Well when Olive told me that you faked your own death, I thought why would you, fake, your own death, you were young you had everything to live for.'

Chuck didn't speak.

'I just connected the dots... And Chuck...' Chuck looked up. 'It's ok I won't tell anyone... not even Olive, and that will be hard, because well... she's one of my best friends.'

'I believe you. You're a good person. How did you work it out?' Chuck asked, trying to keep a lid on her ever growing excitement.

'Well there were many components.' They sat on stools by the work station, buttering toast. 'There was the faking your death thing... pfft! No way... You hold your own hands like he does when you have a 'moment', then Olive also told me that you and Ned don't touch. Well, I couldn't help but observe you, and well you two dance the 'I don't want to die' Waltz, which no one else but myself, Ned and Digby have danced, so it was kind of obvious... to some like me.' She smiled.

Chuck smiled back. 'You don't know how good it is to have someone I can talk to about this...' Chuck sighed, 'I mean I can talk to Ned and Emerson about it but... well...'

'They don't know what it's like to be you, but at the same time not be you because to the world you are always someone else because the old you is supposed to be dead....'

'Exactly...' Chuck smiled, she got up and grabbed the bowl of fruit salad from the side counter.

'But is it really the same with me? I mean it is but it isn't. I mean... I was dead for 20 minutes which most people don't come back from... Ned touched, they shocked... people thought I was revived...' She lent on her elbow.

'Oh...'

'But I do get what you feel; I can't explain to people that I could technically be the living dead... And that I can't hug my adopted brother because he's a guy, who can undead anything that used to be living organism, because if I do I could drop dead and stay that.' Bud took a big breathe; she had neglected breathing for her long and complicated explanation.

Bud grinned, Chuck grinned, followed by a little jump.

'Was that a little jump?' Bud asked.

'If you mean a sudden outburst of excitement because I've finally got someone other than Emerson, Ned or my bee's to talk to, that resulted in an up bolt of energy then yes...'

'Can I get in on that?'

'Of course...' She got up off her stool. They both did little jumps....

Chuck who was 30 years, 4 months and twenty days old thought, who is this mysterious yet loveable girl whose thoughts are so insync with my own thoughts?

Whilst, Bud, who was 20 years, 5 months and 15 days thought, how odd it is to find a person whom my brainwaves are in sync? That ovens goi...

PING!

'Pies!' Both girls exclaimed.

Leaning into one another's faces they examined features, nose, eyes, eyebrows, eyelashes, cupids bow...

'What are you two doing?' Ned asked from the doorway, a single eyebrow raised in curiousity.

'Nothing!' They exclaimed again, freaked out they retreated back to the domestic jobs.

'Bonjour!' Bud said, moving aside the table and curtsying, this made Ned smile.

'Hey.' He smiled his goofy smile, 'I hear you're all moved in. That was quick...'

Bud who was now retrieving pies from the oven nodded, laying the baked goodness on the work top before saying, 'I know. Olive walked me back to my hotel which just happened to be on the same block as the Taxidermy Cow and you know Olive... she gets over excited. I thought hey maybe in a week or two, so I got in my pj's and got myself a heavenly cup of cocoa and my book,' She swung the oven gloves over her shoulder, placed a cold pie in the oven and closed the doors. 'Next thing I know...Olive is at my door with cardboard boxes and Randy's van outside. I had no choice to say yes when she started crying... Those two trebel shot expresso, soy, caramel macciato's with a vanilla infusion, really made her emotional...' She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes.

'Oh so that's the reason why she was hammering on my door like a hyperactive...'

'On no... That's where the six other cups she had come in. She'll be fine in a couple of hours she'll be crashed for a while...'

'Breakfasts ready...!' Chuck shouted from the Pie Hole.

Ned looked at Bud, she was struggling with plates of food that needed to be taken into the Pie Hole, 'Here let me have some of those...' He went to take the plates off her. 'Oven gloves.' Taking the oven gloves off her shoulder he took the plates from her, leaving her only the pie to carry.

'Thank you kind sir...' she smiled and twirled.

They stood looking at one another.

'Bud, for what it's worth... I'm really glad you're here...' He did his goofy smiled once again.

'For what it's worth, so am I... Come on... food time!'

On entering the Pie Hole front of house, Ned was shocked to see how much food the two girls and a caffeine charged Olive had concocted in an hour. The Pie Hole bar was stocked full with eggs in various forms, pancakes, pie, fruit salad, bacon, sausage and toast so on and so forth...

'Oh my...was Emerson there all night?' Bud asked on realisation that he was there.

'He was in a pretty huge suger coma after you left last night so I didn't think it smart to wake him, what's the saying let sleeping grumpy p.i's lie?' Chuck said. 'Somehow I don't think he'll be up for a while... Although he has got Mrs. Maligoldorium's case to work on...'

The Pie Maker and the two ladies pondered to themselves on how to wake the now ever louder snoring Emerson.

'What if we shout?' Chuck asked.

'Oooh, what if we bang to saucepan lids together?' Bud suggested.

'How about I just shake him just a little and ask him nicely if he wants breakfast?' Ned said, both girls disappointed, shrugging at on another, Ned bent forward and using Digby's tickle stick he poked his face, Emerson grunted loudly at the touch. 'Emerson. Emerson...Do you want any breakfast?'

Emerson grunted and turned his head away from Ned into the couch.

'Emerson?' Ned prodded him twice more...

Poke. Poke. Swotting Emerson hit it from his hand...

'There's no hope in waking him. The sugar coma hasn't subsided enough for him to be alert enough to eat.' Ned threw his arms up in the air, defeated.

Looking at the girls he saw them grinning widely as though thinking the same devilish plan, at the exact same time. Chuck looked at Bud, Bud looked at Chuck...

The girls eyes talked to one another, muttering a plan that was inaudibly to the other partnership senses. A nod from each one cementing the plan.

'Ned, sweetie, you might want to move back...Things are going to get a little bit wet around there...' Chuck said.

Ned who was both compelled and confused by the plan, moved swiftly away from the couch, before announcing his thoughts, 'I am compelled and confused by your plan.' The girls walked forward towards the soon to be wet area, hands clasped around something behind their backs. 'How exactly is the area going to become...'

He winced at the sight which unfolded slowly before his eyes.

SPLASH!

At 6 hours 48 minutes and 52 seconds, Emerson Cod was engaged in a dream of bliss, from which he had no intention from waking.

He was sitting aboard a yacht, the sun beating down on his chocolaty skin whilst he smoked a cigar and sipped champagne. Around him were human size hundred dollar bills with the legs of Halle Berry danced and catered to his every need.

'Mhmm... I got it good!' He subconscious self said, 'Money! Cigar! Dancing money serving me cigars! On a yacht... Oh yeah I could get used to this.'

A dollar bill approached, in its hand it carried a phone on a tray. Benging forward the leggy buck reached out her arm.

'Thank you good looking...' he smiled a cheesy smile, picking up the receiver. 'Yes..?' He said smoothly.

'Emerson? Emerson! Wake up!'

'Pie Man?'

'The girls have made breakfast...'

'No, no I'm good where I am ...' he smiled, then dropped the receiver back on its base. 'Thank you cuti...'

Emerson looked up to see the Pie Maker standing in the place of the leggy money, woman thing.

'Pie man?' What the hell are you doing in my dream?'

'Breakfast is ready.' The subconscious Ned replied.

Emerson who was somewhat disturbed by the Pie Maker's appearance in his land of fantasy asked, 'Why are you here? Where'd the hot money with legs to die for go?'

'Wake up?'

'No! Bring her back!'

'I give up nothing! Nothing's going to wake him up.'

'Huh?' Emerson grunted, he held his head in his hands, 'why is he here?' He looked up to ask him but Ned was gone.

'Where the hell did he go?' He asked himself, agitated. 'Hey! Hey! Dollar Ladies...'

Towards Emerson walked two shorter dollar bills... with heads?

'They didn't have heads before... Oh dear...' Emerson's eyes widened as the realisation hit, the girls were ... dead girl uno and dead girl dors. 'Oh this can't be good.'

SPLASH!

From behind their backs Chuck and Bud had thrown jugs full of ice cold water over Emerson, landing with a loud SPLASH!

'Aarrggghhh..!' Emerson shouted, jumping up instantaneously out of shock. For a movement he stood there drenched writhing with anger. 'Who threw water on me?' Emerson asked his voice calmly angry. He looked at Ned who was as horrified and surprised as Emerson himself was... Turning his head to his left, he looked down his wet and dripping nose at the two girls.

Chuck and Bud looked at one another, they hadn't thought of a cover for their watery awakening apart from throwing the jugs behind the pie hole bar.

'Uh well...' Chuck stumbled.

'There was this racoon...' Bud said.

All heads spun in her direction.

'A racoon?' asked Emerson.

'Yes', she replied with a sweet assertive smile, 'a very large, talking racoon...'

Ned couldn't believe his ears, was Bud really saying the unbelievable things his ears were in fact hearing. Racoon? Large? Talking?

'His name, we learned was... Ralph!'

'Ralph the Racoon? Ned was flabbergasted.

'Yes...' Bud gave Ned a shut up look, 'And although he once had principles he abandoned them to work as a temperamental animal for the Wildlife preservation association fund.'

Emerson looked at Chuck who nodded to confirm the ludicrous story, Emerson let out a big sigh, 'I hate racoons...' He shook out his leg and proceeded towards the food, 'something smells good,' he said making his way to the Pie hole counter.

When Emerson was out of ear shot, Ned asked, 'Where did you get that from?'

'Shouldn't we be concerned that he actually bought it?' Chuck questioned Ned's question.

'You two weren't saying anything, so... I felt obliged to say something and a racoon came to mind, along with the lyrics from Over the moon from the musical RENT. The rest was improvisation, which was pretty good don't you think?' Bud said proudly.

'But why did you know he'd believe you?' Chuck was curious.

'I lived in a school filled with girls, who used to get high of candy every weekend, if any of them fell in to a sugar coma, the next day when they woke up you could tell them the sky was green and the moon was really made of cheese and they'd believe you.'

'So mainly luck then...' Ned stated.

'Luck and trickery go hand in hand I will have you now, my dear Ned.'

They all laughed. They looked over at Emerson who was sniffing at bowls of eggs and piling his plate high with food, Ned couldn't help but find Bud a little more cunning than he remembered but this only added to her charm.


End file.
